Are You Giving Up or Letting Go? | ep168
“I love the idea of letting go, but I can’t figure out whether I’m letting go or giving up. Whether I’m letting go or just running away from something.”
In a recent workshop I facilitated, we were talking about the idea of forgiveness and letting go when someone presented this to me.
In the ever-evolving journey of personal growth, we often find ourselves at a crossroads, facing decisions that can truly impact our lives. During these moments, we encounter this concept and need to know the difference between letting go and giving up.
Today, we’re exploring what truly sets letting go apart from giving up. We’ll also look to nature to draw inspiration from the fall season as a time of transition and release. By the end of this journey, you’ll have a clearer understanding of these 2 concepts and how they can guide you towards a more purposeful and fulfilling life.
Before we dive in, I have a BIG announcement!
It’s finally here, love.
The Wholehearted Coaching Certification Program is now open!
I have shared this dream with you all for a while now through big announcements and preview announcements, and now you can apply to become a heart-centered coach. If you’ve ever dreamed of coaching others towards a life they truly love and doing so with so much care, skill, and ethics, this is the opportunity for you, love. If you’d love to learn more, just head to wholeheartedcertification.com/programs.
Our next cohort begins January 2024 and there are only 20 spaces available.
The difference between letting go and giving up lies in the feeling and the intention.
I’ve often shared the story of how I became an opera singer who then became a life coach. That’s a great example of letting go. When I made that decision, it was very intentional. I chose to let go of the successful operatic career that I loved to become a life coach.
However, many years before that decision, I considered switching careers when I felt I was truly at my lowest. At that time, I was so unhappy being a singer. Had I chosen to change careers then, it would have instead been me giving up.
So to help you understand the difference, I want you to think of something you are ready to release and be free from.
This can be your current career, a relationship, and even something “smaller” like a habit or a belief. It’s great if this is something you really aren’t sure whether it’s giving up or letting go just yet.
Once you have your thing, scroll down and we’ll go through some side-by-side comparisons between letting go and giving up.
Giving up is motivated from fear
When we are giving up on something, it stems from a place of insecurity, worry, and doubt. Giving up is very much connected to our ego and survival.
Whereas letting go is all about thriving.
Letting go is motivated from a place of love
When we are ready to let go, it comes from our intuition, that inner place of knowing. It’s the part of you that always knows what is truly best for you.
When we are giving up, we feel powerless
You’re probably very familiar with some of these feelings. When giving up, we can feel hopelessness, defeat, resignation.
When we are letting go, we feel possibility
We feel hopeful, excited. There are some nerves and there can be fear, but it’s the same that’s present when we’re on the precipice of something really incredible for ourselves.
Giving up feels like the decision isn’t our own
It feels like there are no other options for us and that this is just what we have to do, not what we want to do.
Letting go feels like a conscious and courageous decision
It’s a very intentional decision to do what you truly want and what you need to do. There’s an excitement around this choice and a sense of being really rooted and grounded.
As we go through this list, what is coming up for you, love?
When I was in that really low place considering changing careers, I was actually giving up. I was totally motivated by fear, insecurity, worry, and doubt. I felt completely powerless and that this was what I had to do.
However, years later, that was me letting go. I was motivated from this deep place of inner knowing. I was excited. I was also totally nervous but I knew that this was the decision for me.
If I had given up years before, I probably wouldn’t have even chosen coaching. I would have probably become a singing teacher or gone back to school for psychology or social work. None of those are “bad” decisions, but rather they weren’t decisions motivated from that place of love and inner knowing. They were fear-based.
I would have just been scrambling to figure things out and trying to fill up the space. I would have chosen something the really wasn’t the best thing for me.
Because I came to that place of real inner knowing and letting go, I get to do this work as a coach without resentment. I look back on my life as a singer and I’m so proud and so happy.
That is a whole different experience of life.
As the Fall season begins, we get to see the beauty and necessity of letting go
Oftentimes when it’s time to let go of something, it’s not the actual act of letting go that keeps us stuck. It’s really the fear of what comes after we let go.
When we are letting go of things we’ve held in our lives — careers, partners, beliefs, habits, and more — we realize that these were all once very beautiful things for us.
We experience this fear and worry of not knowing what will come in its place. We worry there won’t be anything as beautiful, incredible, or amazing to fill up our branches.
There will be a period of time — like our own Winter — where there is absolutely nothing.
And the truth is, we would rather have something, anything, than nothing.
When the trees let go of their leaves, they’re naked and completely vulnerable. They have to wait 2 seasons for that beauty to blossom again. What trust and courage it takes to let go knowing that something even better, something more aligned will come in its place. No wonder it’s so scary for us to let go.
We have to be vulnerable for an unknown period of time. Oftentimes, we don’t want to let go until we have the next thing.
“I’ll let go of this job once I find a new job.”
“I’ll let go of this partner once I see that there are other good people out there.”
We cannot make space for better if we keep holding on to good enough.
This is what I believe the trees and nature know: that they need to let go of the dead leaves to create space for the new growth to happen.
The trees in nature know that growth will come. That it can only come once they let go of the old leaves. They trust in the process. They trust the time of nothingness that something better and more aligned will come and it can only come when they let go.
So often, we stay in lives that are no longer for us. We cling onto habits, beliefs, relationships, and more because we are so afraid of the uncertainty and the not-knowing-ness.
We don’t want to face the discomfort of not knowing, but we forget that by not letting go, we also face the discomfort of certainty. It’s up to us which choice we make.
This week, I invite you to go out in nature
Go for a walk and find an incredible tree. Watch it. Look at how it behaves as the wind blows through its branches. As you see or imagine the leaves falling, name the things you want to let go of.
Imagine yourself as the tree letting go of the things that no longer serve you.
Tune into this week’s podcast episode — 168 | Are You Giving Up or Letting Go? — to hear the full conversation.
If you’re ready to let go, love, and you believe that coaching is the next aligned step for you, I invite you to apply to become a heart-centered coach with me in The Wholehearted Coaching Certification Program.
Applications are now open and our next cohort begins January 2024.
The world needs more incredible coaches like you, love, and this is where you start!
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About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to listen to your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.