The Power of your Presence

the power of your presence wholehearted coaching shirin eskandani

How can we create spaces where others feel comfortable, open, and safe enough to share with you?

If you are looking to hold space for others professionally as a coach or if you already hold space personally for friends, family, and even random strangers at the coffee shop who offer up very personal information about themselves, we are going to explore some of the key aspects of creating space that serves others AND keeps your best interest, health, and comfort in mind.

Before we dive in, I have a BIG announcement…

The Wholehearted Coaching Certification Program is now open!

wholehearted coaching life coaching certification program shirin eskandani

I have shared this dream with you all for a while now through big announcements and preview announcements, and now you can apply to become a heart-centered coach. If you’ve ever dreamed of coaching others towards a life they truly love and doing so with so much care, skill, and ethics, this is the opportunity for you, love. If you’d love to learn more, just head to wholeheartedcertification.com/programs.

Our next cohort begins January 2024 and there are only a few spaces left.

When I began coaching, my focus was all about my clients

When I would think of the idea of holding space, being of service, or facilitating transformation, it was all about what can I do for the people I’m serving?

What new certification can I get?

What new modality can I learn?

What kind of books should I be reading?

I was so eager to learn all the tools and resources to really help heal the client.

But, as I have done this work, I have come to realize that the work of holding space for others starts with holding space for myself.

If I wasn’t taking care of and tending to myself, I couldn’t be of service to anyone else.

At first, this was a very difficult thing to grapple with. It sounded so wrong. But one of the very pivotal moments in this realization was when I was reading My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem — a highly respected, renowned therapist, researcher, and writer who has worked with tens of thousands of people the world over.

In his book, he writes that people don’t work with him because of his accolades and accomplishments. They work with him because he is so self-regulated. People want to be in the spaces he creates because he is so grounded and present.

This really got me thinking:

What is most important in holding space that feels open and safe?

What it comes down to is our presence.

We have all found ourselves in a space with someone who seemingly should be a great space holder. Maybe they were a counselor, a therapist, a coach, a friend, or a family member.

We have had the chance to share something vulnerable with them and it just didn’t feel right.

Take a moment to think of a moment like this in your life. A moment where even thought you felt you should feel safe, you didn’t feel comfortable opening up to them. Sometimes, we don’t even know why we are feeling this way but something was telling you “This is not the place for you.”

Now, think of a person who does create that space in which you feel so comfortable to open up. Can you name what it is about them that allows you to feel this way?

What I believe is this always comes down to presence. It comes down to how grounded they are. It comes down to the energy they embody physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s all in how they listen and how they look at you.

We know when we are in someone’s powerful presence.

But sometimes, it can be hard to name what is actually present and creating this sense of trust.

The most powerful tool a coach, a space holder has is their presence. It may seem really simple, but so much healing is done when we feel truly seen, understood, and heard.

So, how do we create an authentic, powerful presence?

In the Wholehearted Life Coaching Certification Program, we look at the Prism of Presence — 7 different aspects that allow us to truly be present. Today, we’ll explore 3 of those aspects.

Aspect #1: Mindful Awareness

Mindful Awareness is one of the greatest tools we can have as a coach and a space holder both for ourselves and our clients. Becoming aware allows us to really tap into what we are feeling, thinking, and experiencing as we are holding space.

I would love to say that every day that I have a client session is the easiest day of my life. But, it’s not. Sometimes I’ll have an argument with a family member or I’ll wake up after a crappy night’s sleep.

We as space holders are human. Sometimes, you rmind will go astray during a session and you’ll start thinking about that argument, or your crappy night’s sleep, or what’s for dinner that evening. Sometimes, what a client discusses may trigger you.

Having mindfulness tools that allow you to come back to the present is so important. In the certification program, we look at 3 aspects of mindfulness:

Our breath
Somatic awareness
Our own thoughts and emotions

When holding space for others, a range of thoughts and emotions will arise. What mindful awareness allows us to do is to be present with whatever thoughts or emotions we’re having in a nonjudgemental way.

Aspect #2: Wholehearted Listening

A lot of times, we think coaching is more about asking questions and performing an action, but really it’s about listening to what is being said and also what is not being said.

In our certification program, we focus on 3 types of listening:

Self-focused: the ability to focus on what’s going on inside yourself
Client-focused: the ability to focus on what the client says verbally and through their body language
Wholehearted Listening: a combination of the two where you are able to listen within, listen externally, and you sense openings, changes in energy, new possibilities

If we are in our own worlds and we aren’t grounded and present, we cannot listen in a way that is sensitive and open. Taking care of ourselves allows us to be present which then allows us to take care of our clients.

Aspect #3: Silence

Silence can be one of the most powerful tools in your coaching toolbox. There is so much importance in leaving more space than often feels comfortable when we are holding space. Allowing for moments of deep pause can allow your client to explore even further.

Space allows for more reflection and discovery. Sometimes a client will finish a sentence and they’ll just need a little bit more time to think about what they just said.

I’m always learning this lesson around silence. I’ll think a client is done. Nothing in their body language implies they’re going to keep talking, but because I know to create space, I’ll wait.

I’ll wait for longer than feel comfortable.

And then, the client will say the most profound thing ever. And had I not held that space, that would not have happened.

This week, I want you to practice leaving space for someone. When someone finishes talking and sharing something with you, be silent. See what happens, love.

Tune into this week’s podcast episode — 170 | The Power of your Presence — to hear the full conversation.

If you’re ready to hold spaces for others as a certified life coach, I invite you to apply to become a heart-centered coach with me in The Wholehearted Coaching Certification Program.

wholehearted life coaching certification program shirin eskandani

Applications are now open and our next cohort begins January 2024.

Did you know that each podcast episode comes with free guided journal prompts?

If you want to be in the know and get each Mindset Monday straight to your inbox complete with journal prompts to take you even further, get on my email list.

The Power of your Presence | ep170