When Letting Go is Hard | ep 128
Today's message is for anyone who is thinking of letting go. When you’re ready to let go of that limiting belief, that job, that friendship or relationship, but you just can’t seem to let them go.
I’m often inspired to record podcast episodes based on what’s currently happening in my life. This past weekend, The Alchemy Collective — my 12 month group coaching membership — had their Fall Equinox Retreat.
Every Equinox and Solstice we have this beautiful all-day retreat where I bring in some of my favorite thinks and visionaries and we use the season that we’re moving into as inspiration and guidance.
For the fall, we’re talking about letting go. So, I began this retreat with a visualization meditation where I asked everyone to imagine themselves as a beautiful tree. You know, the kind of tree that, in the fall, has leaves that would change color and soon would fall.
I asked them to imagine themselves as their leaves are changing colors. Then, I asked them to imagine those leaves now falling. As those leaves fell, I asked them to name the things they were letting go of.
As you’re reading this, think of what you want to let go of, love. What do you want to release?
Maybe, internally, you want to release perfectionism, self-judgment, and self-doubt. Externally, you may want to release that job, that friendship, or that relationship.
After they named the things they wanted to let go of as their leaves fell, I then asked them to imagine that all of their leaves had fallen and now, how does it feel? How does it feel to have no leaves? To be free of those things?
For some, it felt really freeing and exciting. Like this weight had lifted. For others, it was scary. It was so vulnerable standing there with no leaves, standing there naked with nothing to cover or protect you.
This is one of the things that’s never talked about when we want to let go of something in our lives: it’s the nothingness that comes after letting go.
Oftentimes we know when it’s time to let go of something and it’s not the actual letting go that keeps us stuck. It’s what comes after letting go that truly scares us.
Once we let go of the thing, there is nothing in its place. And the truth is, we would rather have something, anything rather than nothing.
At the end of this meditation, one of the women said:
“You know, it was freeing to name the things I was letting go of. It felt so good. But then, I realized I was naked. A panic set in. Panic. Worry. Fear.”
I want you to know that these are all normal emotions to feel when we think of letting go of something. No matter how crappy it may seem to us. This is why we stay in relationships we know we don’t want to be in and jobs we know we don’t want to have. This is why we hold onto our limiting beliefs and the habits that no longer serve us.
I hear this often when working with clients:
“I’ll let go of this job once I find a new job.”
“I’ll let go of that partner once I see that there are other good people out there.”
We cannot make space for better if we keep holding on to good enough.
This is what I believe the trees in nature know. They know they need to let go of the dead leaves in order to create space and conditions for new growth to happen.
If we use nature as inspiration, the trees can remind us that there is time and space for absolute nothingness. And you know, from mid-fall to the end of winter, those trees aren’t looking too hot. They’re out there with those bare branches being susceptible to all of the elements.
But they stay rooted. They know that growth will come. They know that it can only come once they let go of the old leaves. They trust in the process, in the nothingness. They trust that something better, something necessary, something more aligned will come. And it can only come when they let go.
And so it is with us, love.
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One of my favorite examples of letting go comes from my experience of letting go of a relationship.
Listen, I say “favorite” in quotes, ok. I’ve talked about this relationship on the Wholehearted Coaching podcast before, but it was bad. Just bad.
This person was a good person. They loved me, but they lied to me from day one. So, when I caught them in a very big lie, I chose to stay with them for an extra month. Why? Because I was so scared of not having someone.
I just wanted anyone at that point. I was so scared of having no one that I kept holding onto this person who wasn’t good for me, wasn’t serving my highest self, and wasn’t best for me.
And listen, when I did let go of that relationship, it was so scary.
I knew I needed to, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard. But, when I finally let go, it opened up space for me to heal and grow. It opened up space for me to meet my now husband.
Now, it wasn’t immediate. I didn’t meet him until a couple years later and during that time, there was a lot of nothingness. There were other people I dated and I had a lot of fun, but I knew that I had to let go of that relationship in order to create space for that better person for me.
Love, it is such a brave and courageous act to let go.
By letting go, you’re stepping right into the nothingness. You have to exist in the nothingness and you don’t even know when it will blossom into something. Letting go requires trust. Trust in the process. Trust that something is coming. Trust that you do know what you’re doing.
No wonder letting go is hard.
But, one day you will be ready to let go. To step into the nothingness.
Just like the seasons, there is a time for everything. In some seasons we grow and blossom. In some seasons we let go and we rest.
And your seasons don’t need to align with what’s happening outside. Rather, use nature as a cue, as inspiration, love.
Until next week, love.
If you enjoyed this, you’ll also enjoy these posts & podcast episodes:
Letting Go: What if we reframe letting go and made it less about getting rid of and more about making space for? Listen to this episode to get a new understanding of what letting go is.
Knowing when to let go with Cyndie Spiegel: How do you know when something isn’t for you anymore? What do you do when it’s time to move on from the career, the dream, or the passion you always wanted? In this Courageous Conversation, I interview Cyndie Spiegel who truly embodies what trusting your intuition and following your compass looks like when it’s time to shift and pivot in life.
Letting go vs Giving up: Sometimes we have to let go of things that we worked hard to achieve. But it can be incredibly hard to do so when it just feels like you’re giving up. Listen to this episode to gain a new perspective on letting go and moving forward.
A quote to take with you:
“It is such a brave and courageous act to let go.
By letting go, you’re stepping right into the nothingness and you don’t even know when the nothingness is going to blossom into something.”
About your host, Shirin Eskandani
Hi, love! I’m Shirin.
Coach, speaker, writer, and life alchemist.
I teach you how to listen to your intuition again, tune out all the BS, and let your heart lead the way.
Because once you strengthen your inner GPS, decisions become easier, boundaries become clearer, and belly laughs become a daily thing.
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME:
I’m a certified life coach (accredited through the International Coach Federation)
My husband and I met on Instagram and we live in Brooklyn, NY with our plant babies
I have a masters degree in Music and was a professional opera singer for twelve years. I worked all over the world singing on stage at Carnegie Hall and the Metropolitan Opera (more on that later…).
I believe in the woo just as much as I do the work (internal and external). No amount of crystals and affirmations will make up for a lack of a healthy mindset and aligned action.
I love all the Real Housewives franchises. Don’t make me choose one… seriously, don’t.